Lets begin. The train was about to pull out of the station. So which jokes about train are your favorite? The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Every detail needs to be kept track of. Did you hear that theyre making a new fuel additive out of grapes in France?Yeah, they call it Vin Diesel. Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. 63. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We know all about your little banana trick, and youre not escaping this time!. What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? But I have to get off there! he insisted.Well, there might be one thing I can do. They are cute because they rhyme and kids say them a lot. At a station stop, the railroad's president walked up to the locomotive and spoke to the engineer. Passenger: How long will the next train be, will it run on time?Porter: Same as usual, sir; three carriages and it will run on rails!. The police made him give it back.I swear train conductors never get in trouble. A: A chew, chew train. The collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. 85. A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. Q: Why can't a steam locomotive sit down? 18. Indeed, deaths and injuries from electrocution have been on a steady increase globally in recent years. youve been questioned more than once by the police asking, What are you doing parked by the tracks?. Realist sees light from incoming train. Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. The man starts running in mid-air. Have a look at our Editors Choice of the top 4 funniest T-shirts for men. Ive always liked one-liners. Q: Why can't the engineer be electrocuted? He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. Q: Why doesnt anyone like to play volleyball with a track worker?A: Because they keep spiking the ball. The conductor took it and moved on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler. Here is 100 francs for the favor. 67. ", We have scoured our sources to compile a list of the Top 100 Train Jokes, including train jokes for kids (including the ever popular Thomas the Train), railroad puns, train one liners, interesting railroad laws and the popular "You Might be a Railfan If" jokes. Q: Why cant the engineer be electrocuted?A: Because hes not a conductor! Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: *Ok, this might be a slightly exaggerated promise. Q: Why can't a steam locomotive sit down? You look so good; I wanna kiss your lips and then move up toward your belly button. Not a bunch, herd, her friend replied. The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks." So unlike a lot of the other sites out there, we took the time to carefully collect and improve the very best train puns and train jokes you can find online. Q: What do you call a pretend railway?A: A play station. A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. A cross tie. The story is about a woman on the train who was travelling the entire route and kept on asking the conductor what time they get to Alice Springs. A single banana, he says. One of them said its a deer. The other said it No its a coyote. The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.You mama is like train tracks she gets laid all around the country.Say what you want about Hitler at least he got the trains to run on time.A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and There is a Train in the distance about to hit both of them. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. Its so hard to keep track.. Teachers and railroad security are more similar than you might think. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees whats happened and asks the desert man, Whyd you ruin my good tea kettle? The desert man replies, Man, you gotta kill these things when theyre small., 48. He first punches a hole in the new bulb. Its a gift youll definitely want to get for your loved one. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. He was so mad at the ticket man, he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.Are you stupid or something? But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free. The train conductor worked hard and got offered a promotion. The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job. 2.-. There are many exciting and humorous jokes about trains that are suitable for people of all ages. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. "You were going 65 mph and the speed limit is only 60 mph, I saw it myself on the speedometer in the business car!" Again they heard a whistle, rushed out and discovered the train pulling away.Next one is sixty minutes from now, grunted the stationmaster.An hour later, Gordon, with his mum and dad, raced out onto the platform, and his parents leaped onto the train as it pulled away. I dont want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive. He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station.When the train reached Chicago, the mans co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire trip.The man replied that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys. The article talks 24 NSFW dirty jokes that are so inappropriate, theyre actually funny. Unsplash / Lana Abie 1. Train Jokes - Puns And One Liners Theyre not the conductor.Did you hear about the man who took the 6 oclock train home? The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends. Whats going on? she yells out of the window.Cow on the track! replies the conductor.Ten minutes later the train resumes its slow pace but within five minutes it stops again. Three Scots and three Irishmen are traveling by train to a conference. One tells you not to chew gum, while the other says Choo-choo.Why was the railway so angry?Because people kept crossing it.Why cant train engineers be electrocuted? The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.Congratulations, the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. Q: Why is that train engine humming?A: It doesnt know the words. Here comes the choo choo train!. I like to share a train pun or one-liner. She lies down on the bed just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. It was an ex-press train. So he lies down next to the wife. All Rights Reserved. 1. What do you call a locomotive that keeps sneezing? One turns to the other and says to him, Look at this guy!The other guy replies, Yeah, almost as mad as the guy they made get out of the train in Mannheim., 57. Theyre not the conductor. Ready to explore these jokes about train? Such kind of jokes could bring a smile on anyone's face or could crack them up in a knotty situation. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,". Predictably, hes hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.After weeks in the hospital recovering, hes at his friends house attending a party. 22. Ive always been a big fan of a funny one-liner. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people. I guess that's why I like monorails so much! He tried to cover his tracks. 19. Q: Why is it not safe to doze on trains?A: Because they run over sleepers. It was our first choice not only because of the train pun, but also because it is printed with eco friendly inks. I guess hes just really into one liners! Because she didnt want to leave her trunk in the baggage carriage.How do find out how heavy a whale is?By taking it to the whale weigh station.When does a rabbit go at exactly the same speed as a train?When it is one of the passengers on the train.Anyone who steals a train would definitely have a locomotive.I was considering becoming a railway conductor or engineer, but I got put off by all the training.I went for a walk along the railroad tracks, but then I suddenly felt run down.I used to be a railway engineer but I kept losing my train of thought and going down the wrong track.A young man has just told me about a great offer on railway buffers. The T-shirt is 100% cotton, comes in sizes from Small to 2-XL, and can be easily cleaned with machine cold wash. Every time the train stops she asks him. 50+ Dirty Jokes That Are Never Appropriate But Always Funny in 2023. Watch and youll see, answered an engineer.When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another nearby. And the other one said: "No they look like moose tracks." "Because I put on the wrong sock this morning." brutalanglosaxon 2. Its just fun to play them! Why did the sperm cross the road? The toy train - Little Johnny Jokes - CrocJokes.com Choose your size on Amazon! The ex-press train.Why cant train engineers get electrocuted? It would be awesome if you let us know when jokes go too far. Did you know that train conductors make great thieves? Thats why Im a fan of monorails. Q: Why did the railroad magnate choose a name for his railroad that had a single letter abbreviation, S?A: So that when his box car rolled by everyone would say Hey! Unlike teachers, locomotives always tell you to choo choo. Everyone had on platforms.No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. When we first started to put this list together, we were skeptical. A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria. The other watches your snatch. There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught? Train Jokes A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. 75+ Dirty Yo Mama Jokes That Always Get A Laugh in 2023 Two drunks were walking upgrade between the railroad tracks. Achoo choo train.Railroad workers arent what they used to be. at gas stations you climb out the cab window and up over the back of the truck to get to the gas cap. The Daily English Show. 3,045. Everyone was wearing platforms.Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale. This is an awesome gift for that friend or sibling of yours whos into math and science. 89. They have a red caboose! I remember in the good old days all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam. Theres a guy I know who has been a big fan of monorails since he was little. In South Carolina railroad companies may be held liable for scaring horses. I have got the best collection of funny train jokes. A: A jellicopter! The fabric is made of ultra-soft combed cotton to get that comfortable fit and feel and comes in every size possible from Small to XX-Large. I always like chewing gum on the train. He starts to slow down! Deep. Sir, we dont stop at Victoria, the collector said. They suspected the culprit had a locomotive. Before you continue reading the other 95 train jokes, puns, and crazy laws, I want to share with you a top I put together especially for people who like a good laugh! Easily hand washed. A train was going very, very slowly, and a group of tourists were growing increasingly impatient. Driving trains is a lot more difficult than it steams! Ticket inspectors. I had a friend who quit his gig as a newspaper reporter and took a train out of town. 42. One snatches your watch. Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Train Jokes - Railroad Jokes - Jokes4us.com You can see for yourself what I mean by scrolling through this list. I took advantage of an end of the line sale. 69 SUPER Dirty Jokes for Adults Only 2023 (with Photos) 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes) by Eric Russell - 23 Mar 2022 Sense of Humor Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. I spent a great deal of time collecting the best train jokes available online. They always seem to have a get out of rail free card. How can hurricanes see? Desi Lydic Jokes About Train Delays With Pete Buttigieg | HuffPost Lets start the fun with these puns! Did we catch up with the cow?, 58. 88. Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose?A: The locomotive told it to choo choo. Why cant trains sit down? I swear train conductors never get in trouble. This is an absolute requirement if youre actually on a train, but dont be afraid to randomly bring one of these up in casual conversation as well (maybe when youre meeting the parents). The Train Wreck T-shirt has an awesome message and a great dark-grey color. In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. The Golden State, which has set tough pollution rules for cars and trucks for half a century, is going after diesel pollution from trains that it says are even dirtier. Suddenly the train crashed, where would the survivors be buried?Nowhere, they are the survivors! Q: What do you get when you cross a Thomas Train and Shakespeare?A: Toby or not toby, that is the question! He lost on points. I want my money back!While the man was yelling at the ticket guy, two other guys that were also in the train were looking at them. I've always been driven by the joy of monorails. What do you call a lazy bull? It had forgotten the words.Why do you have to wait longer for a train on Halloween?Because they run a skeleton service.Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?They say he had locomotives.Whats the difference between a teacher and a train?The teacher says, Spit out your gum, but a train says, Chew chew!Why are dolphins so smart?Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!What do need in order to crash a train?A bad track recordTo become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. A chew-chew train. 67 Train Puns And Jokes To Derail Any Conversation! A: A jellicopter! A minor slip-up could have devastating consequences. 26. It was an end of line sale. 40. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. When he picked up the lantern and began cleaning it, naturally, a genie suddenly appeared. It was a tram-endous opportunity. Best Short Jokes & Dirty One-Liners Sometimes, humor is all about efficiency and that applies to the best adult jokes as well. 100. 79 Dirty Jokes So Racy, You'll Want to Cover Your Eyes - Best Life One day an engineer calls the dispatcher and asks him for the time. Choose your size on Amazon! It was a tram-endous opportunity.The conductor was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along.We ended up canceling our trip because all of our plans went down the train.Theres a guy I know who has been a big fan of monorails since he was little. Looking for train jokes and jokes about trains? The old lady thinks, I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert., The blonde thinks, I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him., The Frenchman thinks, I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake., The Englishman thinks, I cant wait for another tunnel so I can slap that Frenchman again.. I just chased it out of the station because I didnt like the look of it!. I cant help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since. Its an electric train. Q: If an electric train is heading north, which way would the steam be coming out?A: There wouldnt be any. 99. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. Then I can dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform.Will that work?Its worth a try.As they approached the platform, the train is slowing from 50 MPH. Do you want to go by Buffalo? inquired the ticket agent.Certainly not! she answered indignantly, I want to go by TRAIN!, 77. While trains are one of the oldest forms of transportation (dating back to the 1800s!) So, what I want you to do is you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very important for me. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. 80. 43. Jack: Did you hear about the Model Railroader whose layout got trampled by a herd of buffalo?Fred: No, whats he doing now?Jack: Remodeling., 65. 15. I was having a poop in the toilet on the train when the conductor knocked on the door. 41 Best Train Jokes For Kids | Kidadl The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly., 55. Q: What do you give a train driver for Christmas?A: Platform shoes! They can just keep chugging.Wow, you really have to hand it to ticket inspectors. She's like train tracks - she's been laid across the country. Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. Just stay on the right track. Give an unforgettable gift and make your loved ones laugh today! 29. 30. It comes in a variety of sizes from Small to 3X-Large and is made 100% out of cotton. 4.-. The conductor was right in the middle of his presentation when he lost his train of thought. If you have any train puns or jokes that you think we should add to the list, hop over to our contact page and suggest them! 114 Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Guarantee a Good Time Not right now, Im having a poop, I shouted back. New data released by Ipsos this morning has shown that around 55% of Britons expect the Tories to lose seats on Thursday, with 45% expecting Labour to pick up support. Trains appeal to everyone on an almost childlike level, perhaps because of their simplicity. Yo mama so dirty, she sweats mud. No, sir! Yo mama so dirty, a pressure washer couldn't even get her clean. The following are some of the funniest, slickest, and corniest train jokes for kids. Why are the railroad tracks angry? Look at you, panting away. The young man took a deep breath and said, Pop, I missed this train at the last station., 61. The ex-press train. He goes free again. The realist sees a freight train.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_20',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_21',667,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_22',667,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_23',667,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_3');.large-mobile-banner-2-multi-667{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Theyre really good at covering their tracks. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. After that, I picked up the pace quickly. Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. They didnt want to wait 40 years for a train. 74. What did the mother steam engine say to her baby to get her to eat? The judge wants to know his local motive. The prices range from below $10 to slightly over $25, depending on size.