he arrived at 4 am on the 28th to no greeting from me but a note on his fathers door to take the sofa and leave me alone. It makes me sad because I used to be the one chasing him around. Im a 19 year old female college student and recently Ive been experience extreme bouts of fear and anxiety when it comes to the prospect of physical intimacy with another person. I know one thing for sure, I am tired of my negative reaction to men and my perspective and attitude about love and relationships. I thought i was the only one going through this horrible situation, i use to love to touch, be touched and enjoyed sexual engagement with my husband but these days i feel so uncomfortable, irritable, lack of sexual desire and i dont recall any trouma in my childwood at all, he is all i ever wanted, soft, caring and wonderful man, what is wrong with me? The firstthings started going wrong that morning when he and several other military were told by the boarding agent that she did not care whsat military orders they were trsavelling under she had several local and state vips goingto the 500 racee on that flight that needed the seats so they were going to have to arrange to wait a few days for another flight. I moved down to the basement took care of my sex needs with hand and imagination. As the old saying goes: this is but one of many stories I have to tell. WebDisgust is an emotion to which I never gave much thought. Maybe its because, that instead of hugging me when hes by me, he grabs my ass or breast instead. A partner can enjoy being touched and other acts even if they have to finish things off themselves, it is down to the people engaging in the activities to define what is comfortable and works for them. Let your mind wander, and write down what makes you feel anxious at the end of 15 mins. Im not saying this is the cause for everyone one, on this page and definitely not menopause hormones, or child sex abuse issues or avoidant personality disorders. Sex isnt for everyone. This is a gut felt boundary. A good once can help you get some perspective. Genital response to sexual stimuli may be an evolved self-protection mechanism. Which I know is part of the Trauma of my sexual aversion. I would just like to throw in there, that I have seen many women that most would consider less attractive, but in my perception, if they were confident, they were beautiful. She had a big belly hanging out of her crop top, with stretch marks and all., but the way she carried herself.. she walked confident and talked confident.. Its also something that isnt widely talked about nor understood. I feel now that it was caused by Body Dysmorphic Disorder and not feeling like anyone would find me attractive. Maybe that can lead to a solution of some kind. And he stomped out the door after that flat refusal. Sex Avoidance and Anxiety Disorders I really appreciate this it is helpful. The key is to find a way to discuss it with each other in a way that doesnt leave either of you feeling anger and guilt. Maybe you can get to this place too the healing and purging the negative energy stored in your body (if you dont believe it, listen to your thoughts and reactions to men and love) . I appreciated and respected him but that was JUST IT. Mine came on all of the sudden during intercourse one day. In my own life I have found healing by treating my aversion as an addiction. No porn for quite some years but some lusting after women in public & lying about that too. Turning a guy on can please a woman without having to be touched. The limp dick syndrome is what that is. i have a boyfriend who does not want to be touched, he feels irritated whenever i touch him. Thank you! And for those wondering I had fantastic parents and never suffered any sort of sexual trauma in my life. Or, maybe they could be Asexual or Demisexual. Its so intense that I feel like I cant breathe. My problem is that he was not this way before. Ironically our personalities make it fairly easy..in fact he is more patient with my signs of anxiety than I am with any aspects of his personality that make me uncomfortable. From 2001 to now its been hell on earth trying to get him to be4 a nice person about any thing. I was dumped more times than I would like to admit because of it. I had absolutely no sex education whatsoever, and my Mother constantly derided, and tried to make me feel ashamed of myself for showing even a vague interest in girls/women. Ughhh. OMG. At what age did sex become enjoyable? Never, really. is also not sexy at all. As though she finally had the excuse she needed to give up and move out. I am hoping we are not to badly scarred and that there may be hope and some kind of treatment that can fix this huge problem of ours. A few examples would be that if I was ever in a room alone with a romantic partner of mine, I would get physically ill and nervous about what might happen. We raised 5 wonderful children together. We see each other a few days during the week for a couple of hours each visit. There are a whole variety of reasons why the ick develops, but it's a deep feeling that this person isn't somebody you want to be with." I have suggested for him to move to an apartment separate from me to see if we can have a better relationship. Touch Me It was with a prostitute and she found out about it. What a blow to my husband. I wish I knew why, it effects my mental illness negatively. I do now enjoy sexual interaction with someone because I experience him as balanced and respectful, and its all about his energy and that he never would take from me. I feel that I do not want to ever have sex because I fear Gods punishment for this. Now 57 life has promoted menopause and left much of what inspired earlier in life awash. Its such a turn off to me. Agree to limited sexual contact. Please feel free to browse our thousands of mental health and therapy-related articles. We did not know for a year he would not be allowed to reenlist due to the way his mental attitude had developed when he was mostly under watrer for three and a half years The navy even apologized for the wayhe sliped through the regs requiring a certain amount of time without being on patrol. Matt. They dont have control over a womans biology. Yeah, I do feel like I cant take it anymore and that Im being very selfish. Youve NOT READ what I said! There is no wrong answer, just your answer. Its like a betrayal towards your own self. I love him so, but health is the heartbeat to our paths of life. A strong feeling of disgust came over me and it just stuck with me after that. I cannot advise you in any way, but you are not alone. I can relate to much of the article. It doesnt help that my husband of 13 years doesnt show affection til he wants to play. I had a similar feeling growing up. Does the thought of sexual contact make you shudder? Sexual aversion is your bodys heightened response to sexual anxiety. I told her I think we should do different things and sex might be better. I will offer one piece of advice that was given to me. When you blow off your partner. He also talks about sex about 20 times a day. My opinion is that in order to categorize a condition as an aversion, there cannot be a situation in which an individual is capable of making a conscious exception and allowing a partner to engage them in a sexual act resulting in their enjoyment. touch Im an African American male, and my dates/relationships have been almost exclusively with White girls/women over nearly sixty years, and all involved frequent sex. Do this repeatedly, for a week. And later, I fantasize about what could have/should have been, yet continue to miss these opportunities. I stood in front of my mirror a few times a day and told myself how beautiful I was and that I love my body, love myself, could accomplish anything I wanted to..ect.. Well.. you know what happened? That is a marriage in crisis. I dont know many men that would be willing to be so patient with their significant others, so your a breath of fresh air! The truly sad thing is I never even had the affair. Ive done meditations but I cant help but feel that I only see my wife as a friend. But When he came home he was tired, seasick and wanting a non isolated duty. I was not molested as a child, but I was bullied and teased by girls from Kindergarten through High School. To be honest.. I was able to be aroused and have really good sex, but I never saught it out. When I go on dates, I hate holding hands or walking arm in arm. WebWhen we are disgusted, we are actually empathizing with ourselves for the awful contact we have had with dog poop, or with the thought that we too could be deformed, ill, or alien. IM LOVELESS AND BITTER AND DONT CARE TO TRY AGAIN. Please.. just make sure that you have this conversation with her first. Now I realize that all those years of doing just that may have been exactly what landed us in the mess we are in now. Im so sorry that this has been happening for you. Hi all, When I searched for it online I was devasted. Is it possible that simply having kids you never really wanted can cause sexual aversion? I have become very unstable. We Need To Talk About Disgust Toward Sex When The counselor felt her heart was not in it and she was just going through the motions. I want to want to have sex and be intimate, but it just makes me feel so disgusting. I myself am much happier single. I have realized that I like the freedom of being single and celibate. The best thing is to communicate and empathize as much as possible. Regardless of what empowering dont care what he thinks, says or does you throw at me, its bull, it does matter. Thank you for sharing your strife as well. And then theres all of the friends who will dump you because you are so negative about everything been there and done that too. I have forgiven him but I have not forgotten. I would not place any value or importance on being in love with another until after having experienced life to the fullest first. If you have any family who will help you with the process call on them. If a person who has this cannot initially pinpoint an early sexual trauma, does that immediately rule out sexual trauma? There are two different topics of discussion here. Disgust often comes up in response to poisonous or toxic people, where deep trust and love has been betrayed. Every relationship I have ever had was exactly as stated in this unfortunate placement. If you experience sexual aversion, engage only in a type of sexual contact (hugging, holding hands, etc.) It sounds like you could both benefit from opening up about it. Whoa! Maybe youll meet someone at church. Working with the presumption that these things that you do to him are sexual, you should ask if these things bring him to the point of ejaculation/sexual satisfaction?..If NOT, are you, and why are you teasing him ?? We ailed in total to get him to reenlist at that time. I can take care of myself in that regard, and I do(not nearly as often as I used to) But even then, I dont think of your typical sexual thoughts. SEX REMINDS ME OF LOVE. Im passionate about her. If anybody could address this Id appreciate it. I didnt have the courage to tell her that I felt rejected and unloved. Extreme reaction, like what panic attacks do. I thought that had something to do with it, but I know Ive pretty much always felt this way. I pray that my love for her will never fade..Hopeless in Garland,TX. WebWhy do I feel disgusting sometimes? After repetitively insuring him this was not right, he continued to do so. And everyone else was to. He was not going to risk stranding someplace on the road in a winter storm without any vacancies except maybe an emergency shelter in some gym. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. I DONT WANT TO TRY AGAIN BECAUSE I REFUSE TO FEEL THE PAIN FROM LOVE AGAIN. My 30 year marriage is unconsumated although we did have sex a few times before the wedding. I dont understand how this works because it feels good sexually and I still can reach climax so I dont know how thats so disconnected. We went to counseling but it ultimately did not help. Take it week by week or month by monthwhatever youre comfortable with. I am just blown away by the impact of the Abuse in every, and I mean every, aspect of my Life. Dont feel bad if you cant take it anymore. What about men like me who have suffered from sexual aversion all their lives? I want out. Nobody can get him to back off any thing now that he decided he going to do. John Gottman, who wrote Why Marriages Succeed or Fail after studying 2000 married couples over two decades, found that contempt, criticism, and defensiveness ultimately lead to divorce. I should have a husband or nothing at all. Maybe you and your husband can do the same. Its a true journey of inner healing that needs to be done and that takes time. I am 27yrs old. I think that there is something within all humans that makes you have this need to be loved and touched and if you are not feeling that then I think that there is something that needs to be addressed. WebWhy do I feeling like I have to stop eating entirely just because someone touched my food? It is physically impossible. Dont settle anymore! First, its helpful understand why you might be experiencing it. Partner is a person. He can see that and this also becomes a source of unspoken hostility. She was beautiful in my eyes. Its not that I dont want sex, but for some reason, I worry and panic about it. Its completely a sexual aversion issue. My advice, if you are experiencing the same issues: find 15 minutes, in a quiet, private room. There is nothing wrong with either of you, just as I know there is nothing wrong with my wife, whom I love desperately (as I suspect that your husband does you). Melissa, as someone that has been dealing with this since puberty I can tell you from experience you are doing more harm then good by giving in to his urges. She just accepts that this is the way she is now and I must do the same. WTF! Doing something to someone else (touching, etc.) WebI feel disgusted when someone touches me including family, and I'm not a germaphobe. He made it work without cheating and without pushing me because thats not how relationships work. Menopause promoted uncertain new surprises and swept my sexual senses to the open seas, farewell. I experienced sexual trauma my first time and abuse by the same guy afterward. I hit rock bottom in every aspect of my life except for how much I cherished my wife. men use women then discard them, then brag about it to their friends. So, I decided that, though I know I dont need to be in a relationship nor want to be (currently for the past 6+ years), that I need to release the pain from myself it does hold you back whether you want to admit it or not and I am now seeing a doctor my therapy: reiki, chakra balancing and accupuncture. And I think that there should be a sort of solution for us to be satisfied but she says shell never change, and I dont know what to do honestly. It is very hard to explain something that, unless the other person has experienced it for themselves, you believe that there is no way they can comprehend. Sexual aversion does not happen in a vacuum. Meaning it makes her feel disgust. It makes me sick to my stomach to even just think about it. We are seeing a counselor finally but its too early to know what can be done. Now, I feel full disgust when he touches me and when we have sex. We naturally feel disgusted in No, I havent gained weight and I am very interested and active and enjoy being intimate but he doesnt have any desire. He is not aggressive with me at all, I just cannot stand the smell of alcohol on skin and cannot at all trust anyone who drinks. help me people! Sex is a very important part of a relationship. I thought I was disfunctional. Im ok and love the sex once its full on but the foreplay yuck why does my skin retract like g. Love the intercourse really really hate the foreplay like yuck dont even touch me my skin I dont know it just feels jumpy like Im not ready to be touched how can this be its like I want to control the touch where and when but if your not turned on in the first place then how are you ever going to be without touch ? Thanks, Hi Angie. My ex walked out on me over 6 years ago. I stated that it borders on sodomy to do this when you know that youre not going to deliver. Its difficult to talk to anyone about this since its so personal and I also dont want to harm my husbands manhood. Ive prayed and cured over this so many times, but cant seem to get past it. It has a name. Pair this with the fact that I have a bad temper, and I was drunk most of these instances, and the fact that she had sex with me because she felt obligated to make me feel better, and you have the predicament that we are involved with now. You may also be covering up a fear of not knowing what to do if youre approached for sex. My husband had been trained in two services in combat arts those young men walked into a buzz saw without warning. Contempt: Your Number One Relationship Killer I had to tell him that my body didnt enjoy sex anymore. And just so disgusted, like you cant get clean on the outside or the inside it just sucks. I would say that If she says that she still loves you.. then perhaps she is just going through a period of depression right now. Dont Touch Me: Understanding Your Sexual Aversion, Contributed by Mieke Rivka Sidorsky, LCSW-C. Or just towards him? But I am not necessarily excited or happy to oblige to have sex. You make it sound like if it doesnt elect a possitive feeling your repulsed. So sorry to hear about your difficulties with your husband. Im unsure if there will be much to discuss, as in many of our arguments, I was at fault. WebSome people sometimes feel anger or disgust or even fear when another person expresses romantic attraction towards them, even if they are capable of feeling romantic attraction You cant change it no matter how hard you try. Then the affair changed my life. But isnt it at least a relationship problem? Of course if you want to continue destroing youself like that, feel free. I dont think you are a freak, but if you are unlike me in the sense that you love your husband (I had a lot of resentment towards mine for his lack of compassion), I hope that you are able to take this information and get help. Listen.. you dont ever have to have sex again.. thats okay. My husband pressured me for 31 years: It was if I allowed sex the flood gates would open on everything else he wanted in his life and people would get hurt in the process if I allowed what he wanted. We were HS sweethearts but went our separate ways and then yes later came back together again. As someone from the other side of the spectrum, I can tell you that it could possibly be something involuntary within himself. Sometime after we moved in together the sex began to slow and i had trouble becoming aroused. That jerk took it as I was just wanted sex and pursued me sexually. Hey Matt, Thanks for sharing your story. And my marriage is suffering because of it.. and it was not until recently that I could put a name on what I have which is a cross between asexuality and sex aversion disorder i believe. could you please recommend some literature that i could get online so i could read about it? I hate hate hate sex. It took some time, but I now love myself and my body. You can do this if you desire. I feel really bad for my partner. Its been nearly 20 years since I last saw from him, and about 15 years since I have heard from him. When I was younger, everyone seemed obsessed with sex. Youre angry about unresolved conflict. I now know that I not only dont care about sex but that Ive always found the human body to be kind of silly looking and at times a real turnoff. Not really understanding my condition or supporting he challenged to control me and manipulate his desires. Now I shutter at the thought of faking it and go out of my way to avoid contact at all. My husband is a handsome man and yet I dont feel physically attracted to him anymore. but a couple times of that and even then10 minutes would go by and it would be So are you finished yet or.?. Me, I just wanted to listen to 50s music, and watch The Golden Girls haha. Im sorry you are in this situation right now. In past times, explaining this just makes them feel guilty for having sex with me because they know I dont want to. Are you still with your husband? I do not have any issues with sex at all, but I do have an issue with the way people are responding to the commenters. Push for any of this, or for sex, and it will be our last date. Now its been over 10 years since we acted like a husband and wife in the bedroom. Ultimately the answer is communication if you are clear with your partner what you are comfortable with and not, then you and your partner can try to figure out something that works for both of you. Then 45 minutes latter WW3 broke out in the living room His mother was begging please dont hurt your father please some body help. Hi. We just process things differently and this is step one to figuring out this side of us. Because of the clarity of the message and the gravity of the situation, disgust is easily infectious: When we see someone who is disgusted, we quite often experience disgust as well. II was on my knees offering everything his father and the then county commissioner said they would let him do if he just stayed put for two weeks and let men with eight to 13 years less seniority have the positions. THE WAY I LOST HIM WAS FUCKED UP BASED ON RUMORS AND LIES. Dont you need an erection to be able to impregnate her? I avoid date nights and sometimes even instigate arguments or bring up topics that I know will lead to a heated discussion in an effort to give myself an excuse not to want to have sex. I do not know what to do. a disease which can be cured. It may be helpful for him to do some sessions on his own as well. I love this man, yet I cannot for the life of me be attracted to him. Feeling guilty about not being able to please him. She has to be willing to just do it. A sex therapist could be helpful, but a trauma therapist or couples counselor could also be beneficial, especially if you are having trouble talking about your past with your partner. Could they have dissociated those memories? For highly sensitive people especially, sex isnt just purely physical, its also emotional, mental, and even spiritual. My friend did not get past the gate at the end of the drive. I can see how she/you could think of it as your husband being some kind of deviant or sex maniac. I hope if you are willing to take on your situation with humility and patience, that she will be open to working with you on trying to find a way to make sex a more positive experience for her. Still love her, just dont like her anymore (if that makes any sense). (Except if you want it to be, but by those standars EVERYTHING could be seen as a disfunction) Things did not work out as he expected in Charelston, he expected to find me there, not get a key from the ombudsman and told I was in the mid west at his fathers, for four days he took the exams for proficiency in his rate, took the final discharge exams in medical, Arranged for the pickup of the storage area the apartment furnishings and my things were stored to be sent back to where we were going to live. in order to pump myself up just to endure going through with sex. touched I feel Due to his nature and personality, he could not understand my love language was very different than his, in addition to many other factors. Then I discovered that sex and love addicts anonymous (a 12 step program) deals with sexual aversion very effectively. WebSudden Repulsion Syndrome is your body coming to its senses. I can touch him though. Sex is just the LAST thing on my list. I know. We have tried for three decades now to get him to see that he owed to the community and social order, That they had needs greater than his he had to at least aknowledge. But he always says..he loves me and wants to be with me. Engaging in sex and enjoying sex, no matter what the conditions, are two separate entities in my opinion in that there are those who would submit to engaging in sex because they feel they owe it to their partner, even though they must be drunk or stoned before the act can be carried out. On my wedding night (I was a virgen), I vomited when we got back to the hotel. being sent back to my mothers with he did not need a useless wife who did not stand with him. When my husband touches me I feel like I need to gasp for air. So youre repelled if you feel nauseous, nervous or frozen that I can understand but your also repelled if you feel nothing???? My penis head is two sensitive. You do not feel aroused, yet you engage in sex anyway The counselor we are seeing has told me so in private sessions and emphasized that I will need to be patient and let her come to that understanding in her own time, without pressure from me. We do nothing that will set off triggers for me. But his last statement that this should be dealt with as a medical problem is not necessarily incorrect. As I have said in real life I don't really pursue relationships because I just think that in general humans are disgusting but I don't know how much of that is just a pattern of thinking that is a defense mechanism: constantly think about the disgusting aspects of other human beings (farting, poop, etc) so that your feelings can't be hurt by I always do what I want to do, when I want, dont have a feeble man around who is just like another f$cking kid to take care of. Youre absolutely right. So much emphasis is put on sex in our society. We make choices and break them and pay for them. But one more thing..the not in love statementsat the beginning of a relationship its easy to feel all giddy and in loveafter time like a few years things settle down and you trade giddy in love feelings for steadfast solid true love. Matt, this is me exactly, including the drinking. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. WebMysophobia (fear of germs): The fear of being touched might arise from not wanting to be contaminated. I could never remain sexual if it werent for my husbands understanding and willingness to help.